Mr. Finewine

Give it up for the man of the hour, Mr. Finewine!

Clap clap clap, clap clap clap clap. Bow this way, bow that way, bow the other way, bow all the other which way.

My fine furry friends, I thank you for hosting me on this most auspicious of days. It is a day of celebration, and it is also a day of reflection. We are grateful for what this day means to us, to all of us, and yet we also look towards the future. What do we want the specific future to look like? How can we prevent the calamities and horrors we fear in our worst nightmares to surface in the reality of our futures? These are questions we must ask ours a daily basis.

What is a future? It is something that has not yet come, but we are pretty darn sure it is coming. We’re pretty darn sure. And pretty darn sure is a whole lot better than kind of sure, or not at all sure. Those are pretty good odds, I would say. Pretty darn good odds, dog darn it. Don’t make me say ‘damn’, I don’t want to say ‘damn’ if I can help it.

The past is past. We can’t go back to it, even if we wanted to. Let me tell you, a whole lot of us do want to go to the past and sort things out, it seems to me, god dog darn it. None of us have constructed successfully operating time machines and used them to go back to the past, it seems to me. At least not to my knowledge. But I’m sure lots of movies and books have been based on that very premise, the whole ‘what if’ premise.

They call me Mr. Finewine because I enjoy the finer things in life and I like having a good time. I enjoy fine wine and I enjoy a quality steak. But does this mean that I’m a fine quality schmuck, who can’t plan for the future and do all he can to ensure that he continues to have the opportunities of enjoying fine wines and quality steaks, for the foreseeable future? No way, not on your life, dog gone it. Gosh dog gone darn it.

My fine furry friends, my message to you is this: disregard the past entirely, enjoy the present, and do everything you can to prepare yourself for the future.

Now who want some tuna? Let’s all line up single file to get a delicious nibble of this canned tuna.